My One Little Word for 2014

(Painting and quote by Lisa Congdon)

This will be my eighth word -- the eighth time I've picked One Little Word for the year. 

In 2007, my word was CONTENTED.
In 2008, my word was FREE.
In 2009, my word was THRIVE.
In 2010, my word was HOPE.
In 2011, my word was GROW.
In 2012, my word was LIVE.
In 2013, my word was BREATHE.
In 2014, my word will be BE.

And you know, it's funny. For some of these words, I remember the impact they had on my life and they're still with me today. Others I had to actually go back and look at what my word was, because honestly I didn't focus on them at all or remember them.

I remember contented and the impact it had on me, as my first word. I remember hope and grow quite a bit.  

Last year, my word was breathe. It was a FANTASTIC word for me. Ironically you will see that I didn't write a blog post about the word, mostly because I was in such a bad place that breathing was really something I had to focus on, not blog posting. I had panic attacks and all sorts of things where breathing was what I needed to do to get by. I took a class last year to help me focus on my word, and I did many of the assignments, but honestly, it was a $20 ring I had made with my word on it that reminded me to focus on breathe most of all. I'd look down, see that word, and refocus. I'll be getting a ring this year too, but I almost don't want to give the one I wore last year up because it has become a part of my daily routine. 

So, why did I pick be? 

I am, admittedly, a people-pleaser and have tendencies toward perfectionism. Unfortunately, this also means I spend an inordinately large amount of time taking on tasks, thinking about how to make others happy and just DOING. Always doing. 

I was having a conversation with a friend and I admitted my biggest challenge is just being... being who I am without self-doubt and critical thoughts running through my head, being true to myself, being calm and centered in my true self and my faith, and just being in the moment. 

It's time for some of that to change.

Now, I'm not delusional. I don't think the fundamental components of my personality will completely disappear, but perhaps some of that energy and attention can be refocused? Maybe I can learn to turn off my brain and just really and truly relax? While I don't think I can ever really stop wanting to please others (nor should I completely), perhaps I can be more discerning about what my limits are when it comes to pleasing others and who exactly I'm concerned about pleasing? Perhaps I can really think about who I am as a person, what is important to me and direct more of my energy in those directions. Can I just sit, all alone, in silence, and be happy with who I am? 

I think these things are possible. 

I'm hoping for many subtle changes that will result is one, perhaps huge, life shift. 

I am certain I will share more on my word as the year goes on. I hope it is interesting, in some way, for anyone who reads what I write.