"Are You Reelin' in the Years..."

" ... stowin' away the time."

Yeah, I'm listening to Steely Dan this morning, but the song seems so apropos this morning. I was just thinking as I drove to work today how sometimes it's hard to move beyond the past or conversely, how it's so easy to live too much into the future... always planning for someday and missing today.

Admittedly, I do both of these things, but I'm trying ever so hard to try and be more present in what's going on now and stop wishing for things to either be the way they were or the way I hope they'll be someday. During my recent struggles, I've been praying more and just asking for wisdom and guidance to focus myself properly and really identify what is important to change in my life and what is fine just the way it is. It's like the picture above. Everything around the moment of focus is beautiful, but it's being able to train your eye to see the big picture, but simultaneously not miss the little details.

I remember the day I took that picture. My mom, grandma and I had gone out to take photographs. The air was cold (it was January), but the light was this absolutely beautiful, golden color. It was amazing and I got some really nice shots. It was nice to be able to go out and just shoot without purpose. To take photos without "needing" a particular photograph. We'd gone out because Mom got a new camera for Christmas and she wanted to practice using it before she needed to be able to take pictures on her upcoming trip... a trip she's leaving on tomorrow to Italy and surrounding areas. That day seems like it was just yesterday, but it was nearly 4 months ago! I need to go out and just shoot for the fun of it more... it brings me such joy.

I'm making this public commitment here, lest I forget or stray off-course, to start varying my focus. I want to be able to not be too overwhelmed by the big picture and miss the juicy details of life, but also want to be able to step back from some of my macro-focused issues to see how that worry or stress is framed in the overall scheme of life.

Overall, life is a bit stressful right now. Money is tight, gas is expensive, bills keep coming despite the income (or lack there of) and all of that can lead to tension at home and work, with friends and loved ones. But today, when I left for work, Steve was home sick with a bad headache and I felt bad. Yet, when I went to say good-bye to him, he looked so adorable and cozy all wrapped up in our comforter this morning... it made me smile. I love him so!

Here's hoping things stay in the proper focus for the rest of the day...